Software Nuggets

“Some software projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices”

Project Down Time

Todays Dilbert

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:04 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:12

 

The Software Project Manager and the Frog

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:02 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:37

A software project manager was out walking in the countryside one day when a frog called out to him - "If you kiss me I shall turn back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a week as your companion."

The software project manager smiled at the frog and put it into his pocket. The frog insisted, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for as long as you wish and do absolutely anything that you want.

The software project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back.

Finally, the frog demanded, "What's the matter? You can turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for ever and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" to which the software project manager replied,

"Hey, I'm a software project manager,. I simply don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog ....... that's cool."

 

 

Project Graffitti

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:03 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:23

 

"Lots of Project Managers just spoil things" (by Senior Developer)

“Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices”

“Good project managers know when not to manage a project”

“If it happens once it’s ignorance, if it happens twice it’s neglect, if it happens three time it’s policy”

“Audit investigate the 5 ‘Ps’ of Project Management – People Perfectly Performing Perfect Processes”

“The single most important task of a project: setting realistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations based on inaccurate estimates are the single largest cause of software failure”

Read more: Project Graffitti

 

Mostly Business

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:04 Written by Administrator Saturday, 07 July 2007 09:54

Safety cartoons for newsletters training presentations Business cartoons Computer Sales Quality Management Financial cartoons Intranet
 

A Clergyman, a Doctor and a Software Project Manager

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:02 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:34

A clergyman, a doctor and a software project manager were playing golf together one day and were waiting for a particularly slow group ahead.

The software project manager exclaimed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace, we're getting behind schedule."

The doctor agreed, "They're hopeless, I've never seen such a rabble on a golf course."

The clergyman spotted the approaching golf pro and asked him what was going on, "What's happening with that group ahead of us? They're surely too slow and useless to be playing, aren't they?"

The golf pro replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The three golfers fell silent for a moment.

The clergyman said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say some special prayers for them tonight."

The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything that can be done for them."

After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the software project manager turned to the golf pro and asked, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

Software News

The latest news and headlines from Yahoo! News. Get breaking news stories and in-depth coverage with videos and photos.
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  • No surprise: Charles to succeed queen as Commonwealth head

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  • Shooting at Florida high school injures 1 student

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  • U.S. woman gets life sentence for Canada mall shooting plot

    U.S. woman gets life sentence for Canada mall shooting plotA U.S. woman has been sentenced to life in a Canadian prison for her role in an aborted Valentine's Day mass shooting at a shopping mall in 2015, local media reported on Friday. Lindsay Souvannarath, 26, pleaded guilty last year to conspiracy to commit murder. A Canadian man also accused in the plot, Randall Shepard, pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 years in prison in 2016.


  • 'Flamboyant' jihadi linked to 9/11 terror cell captured by Kurdish forces in Syria

    'Flamboyant' jihadi linked to 9/11 terror cell captured by Kurdish forces in SyriaA Syrian-German jihadist linked to the 9/11 attacks on the United States has been captured in Syria by US-backed forces, the Pentagon said on Thursday. Mohammad Haydar Zammar, who has been accused of recruiting some of the 9/11 Al-Qaeda hijackers, was captured over a month ago by the Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF), a Kurdish-led militia backed by the US. News of his capture was first reported on Wednesday by the Kurdish group. The Pentagon had said it was looking into the reports before confirming Zammar’s arrest. "We can confirm that Mohammad Haydar Zammar, a Syrian-born German national, was captured more than a month ago by SDF partners as part of their ongoing operations to defeat ISIS inside Syria," Pentagon spokesman Eric Pahon said, using an alternate name for the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL). "We are working with our SDF partners to obtain additional details," Pahon said. The 9/11 Commission report into the attacks in Washington and New York that led to the deaths of almost 3,000 people described Zammar as an “outspoken, flamboyant Islamist” who “had fought in Afghanistan and relished any opportunity to extol the virtues of violent jihad.” According to the report, Zammar took credit for influencing people linked to the attacks including Mohammed Atta, who hijacked an American Airlines plane and flew it into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. Zammar had come into contact with Atta and others linked to the attacks while living in Hamburg, in 1997, the report says. Seven foiled UK terror plots Zammar was detained in Morocco in December 2001 in an operation involving CIA agents, and was handed over to the Syrian authorities two weeks later. He was subsequently sentenced to 12 years in prison in 2007 for belonging to the Muslim Brotherhood. He was reportedly freed from prison in 2014 in a prison swap organised with Islamist group Ahrar al-Sham. The SDF, which has been a key western ally in the fight against Isil, has detained several high-profile foreign members of Isil as the jihadist group’s grip on Syria has collapsed. They are currently holding two alleged members of the notorious Isil torture cell known as ‘the Beatles.’ El Shafee Elsheikh and Alexandra Kotey were captured by the group in February. The two are accused of being involved in the execution and torture of hostages. US officials believe there are hundreds of foreign fighters and thousands of Syrian Isil militants in SDF custody.


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