Software Nuggets

“The more ridiculous the deadline the more money will be wasted trying to meet it”

Project Down Time

Todays Dilbert

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:04 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:12

 

The Software Project Manager and the Frog

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:02 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:37

A software project manager was out walking in the countryside one day when a frog called out to him - "If you kiss me I shall turn back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a week as your companion."

The software project manager smiled at the frog and put it into his pocket. The frog insisted, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for as long as you wish and do absolutely anything that you want.

The software project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back.

Finally, the frog demanded, "What's the matter? You can turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for ever and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" to which the software project manager replied,

"Hey, I'm a software project manager,. I simply don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog ....... that's cool."

 

 

Project Graffitti

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:03 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:23

 

"Lots of Project Managers just spoil things" (by Senior Developer)

“Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices”

“Good project managers know when not to manage a project”

“If it happens once it’s ignorance, if it happens twice it’s neglect, if it happens three time it’s policy”

“Audit investigate the 5 ‘Ps’ of Project Management – People Perfectly Performing Perfect Processes”

“The single most important task of a project: setting realistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations based on inaccurate estimates are the single largest cause of software failure”

Read more: Project Graffitti

 

Mostly Business

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:04 Written by Administrator Saturday, 07 July 2007 09:54

Safety cartoons for newsletters training presentations Business cartoons Computer Sales Quality Management Financial cartoons Intranet
 

A Clergyman, a Doctor and a Software Project Manager

Last Updated on Saturday, 11 September 2010 10:02 Written by Administrator Friday, 03 September 2010 18:34

A clergyman, a doctor and a software project manager were playing golf together one day and were waiting for a particularly slow group ahead.

The software project manager exclaimed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace, we're getting behind schedule."

The doctor agreed, "They're hopeless, I've never seen such a rabble on a golf course."

The clergyman spotted the approaching golf pro and asked him what was going on, "What's happening with that group ahead of us? They're surely too slow and useless to be playing, aren't they?"

The golf pro replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The three golfers fell silent for a moment.

The clergyman said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say some special prayers for them tonight."

The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything that can be done for them."

After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the software project manager turned to the golf pro and asked, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

Software News

The latest news and headlines from Yahoo! News. Get breaking news stories and in-depth coverage with videos and photos.
  • Israel slams Polish PM for WWII 'Jewish perpetrators' remark

    Israel slams Polish PM for WWII 'Jewish perpetrators' remarkJERUSALEM (AP) — Israeli politicians accused Poland's prime minister of anti-Semitism Saturday for equating the Polish perpetrators in the Holocaust to its supposed "Jewish perpetrators," setting off a new chapter in an angry dispute over Poland's new bill criminalizing the mention of Polish complicity in the Nazi-led genocide.


  • Apple 'repeatedly calls emergency services' after multiple employees injured walking into glass panes at new HQ

    Apple 'repeatedly calls emergency services' after multiple employees injured walking into glass panes at new HQApple’s new 175-acre headquarters, centred on a glass ring which hosts 12,000 staff, has become an architectural fascination since the first designs were unveiled seven years ago. Apple employees reportedly keep walking into the glass panels which form the walls of the spaceship-like building. The building, in Cupertino, California, is surrounded by 50ft curved glass panels - the largest in the world.


  • U.S. calls for action to halt Iran's growing 'network of proxies'

    U.S. calls for action to halt Iran's growing 'network of proxies'By Andrea Shalal and Sabine Siebold MUNICH (Reuters) - U.S. National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster called on Saturday for more forceful action to halt Iran's development of what he said was an increasingly powerful network of proxy armies in Lebanon, Syria, Yemen and Iraq. McMaster accused Iran of escalating a campaign to increase its influence in the Middle East by building and arming "Hezbollah-style" proxy armies in Iraq, Syria and elsewhere as it has done in Lebanon. "So the time is now, we think, to act against Iran," he told the Munich Security Conference, calling on U.S. allies to halt trade that was helping underwrite the expansion of Iran's Revolutionary Guards, the most powerful military and economic force in the Islamic Republic.


  • Tillerson to N.Korea on talks: 'I'm listening'

    Tillerson to N.Korea on talks: 'I'm listening'US Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said in an interview to air Sunday that he is "listening" for signs that North Korea is ready to engage in direct talks. An Olympic-driven thaw in relations between Kim Jong Un's nuclear armed North Korean regime and South Korea has raised speculation that direct talks between Washington and Pyongyang could be on the horizon after months of sharp tension and heated rhetoric.


  • Needed in Syria: Disengagement

    Needed in Syria: DisengagementOne is the outbreak of another war between Israel and its neighbors.  A reminder of this danger has come from events that began when Israel said it shot down an Iranian drone that had entered its airspace.  Israeli F-16s then attacked a command center in Syria, during which Syrian air defenses downed one of the Israeli warplanes (a rare event for Israel).  Israel subsequently launched a much more widespread set of aerial attacks within Syria.  The Israelis have conducted scores of attacks in Syria over the last five years, but this most recent assault may have been the largest Israeli attack there since the 1980s. A new war involving Israel would surely also involve Lebanese Hezbollah.  There is no indication that Hezbollah seeks such a war.  The group has incurred significant costs by participating in fighting within Syria and has many wounds to lick.  Its leaders still have regrets about the brinksmanship that last got Hezbollah entangled in a war with Israel.  Even though it could get in some hits with cross-border rocket fire, the group’s leaders know that in a new clash it would get badly bloodied by its militarily more capable foe.


  • 10 Freeway back open in Rialto after deadly crash prompts 16-hour closure

    10 Freeway back open in Rialto after deadly crash prompts 16-hour closureBoth directions of the 10 Freeway in Rialto were reopened Saturday morning, more than 16 hours after a fiery crash killed five people.


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